Parent`s love VS Self-Love

Have you ever thought….

You really want to be someone that people around you or to be easier, being your parent proud child among all where they can proudly talking about you to their friend but it seems like you might be need to disappoint them a little? (Ya…I know my speech always loonngg….)

I loved when my parent feeling like that toward me… Even actually, I`m not totally perfect in person but I try my best in saving their face in any situation as possible (honestly, they never know how deep I am in Kpop-ing..sshhuu…).

I…..always feel like I am strong without anyone backing up (except God`s help) and I am always moving on my own including making any decision in my life. Roughly, I am an independent girl/woman.

It’s a norm that every parent would want their child getting married, giving them grandchild and so on.. and of course, they have their own way how to achieve that dream as soon as possible because they also know they might not have enough time to wait it happen longer, right?

Me….I don’t think I can fulfill that dream of them yet in these times being, I know what they meant well when they try to hook me up with someone or try giving me some spark to start walking on “that” way. But still… I cant…

I still have lots of dreams that I want to achieve and I'm taking lots of measurement before being able to share my whole life with him without having a break up in the future. I have seen a lot of couples before having a break up because of the smallest and childish reason.

Marriage is not something you could take them lightly just because people keep pressuring you with the norm of others around. Marriage is about sharing your whole life with your significant other! And, in order to do that, you need to trust, support, understand, respect each other, and willing to accept each other in all aspects. When I said “each other”, I really meant for on both sides. Your interest might differ, but believe me… when you can honestly accept all of him/her and staying with them, in no time you will be becoming like him/her. People often said, if you meant to be with him/her, people could see even your face become similar. Hahaha

Till this much measurement already hard to take into consideration right….. 

It is not including outer aspects; Their appearance…work…lifestyle….diet…wealth….and even health!

Before… If people asking me what will I look into my significant other quality, I will always said something cliché like good in religion that can bring me heaven together or can accept and support me in anything I do.. But now… I felt it was wrong! If I want to get someone good in religious, why do I need to wait for him in order to be able to go to heaven? What don’t I try helping myself to be good first, we never knew that even a person that seems like an “ustaz” actually bad in various aspect. And as for finding someone that can accept and support me…. This statement already WRONG. Why? Because you need to understand EACH OTHER first, next is to accept EACH OTHER, then support EACH OTHER, and finally trust EACH OTHER.

So now.. If anyone asks me what kind of man I want to marry.. I will say…

1. Handsome : Because it`s impossible not looking at his look first right…I'm not on pretty either, but at least I am proud with my appearance..hahaha… and as for information, being handsome can be different depend on that person's point of view. Sometimes it's not your look that makes you looked handsome, but you can be handsome with your attitude or manner. The way you speak and your act… how you work… most of all attitude and manner!
2. Wealthy/Rich : Sorry to be said.. I`m a realistic person. And I am not someone that could willing want to be poor together and then will work hard together to become rich when we already married. I'm not that kind of person honestly…. If it's referring to phycology help that not includes financial, I would voluntarily give it even without asking. But if financial, I strongly cant help! Why? Because I`m struggling by myself too and can call me selfish, but can I said.. if you really want to share your life with me for a long time, you need to prove me first that willing to change and working hard to become rich in honest work. I believed in these words; there is no one that intelligent/poor, but there is diligent/lazy. If you could prove that with even a stable financial, I might accept it. Don’t be afraid, I am not a kind of gold digger, because I will still want to work and find my own money. I will probably not going to use his money at all because it is his hard earn money, not mine okay... 
3. Manner: Should I explain more about this……….. It's obvious right… your manner will reflect your act, talk, lifestyle, relationship, and many more. Conman can always pass this aspect tho…hahaha… So we need to be careful.
4. Parent: I really want to befriend his parent first before I could 100% accept him. I always said this before; I want to marry my friend`s son..hahahaha
5. Protective: It is easy to make me hooked with the main lead of any kdrama or novel, just show me how protective and gentle the male lead is and I will probably hook and melt. Being protective, easy get jealous, a man of action, and not afraid of showing his love even without a word but with act…  That kind of man... really is my dream guy…hahaha…. Arm pillow, back-hug, forehead kiss… totally my style…. Ok… better to let the dream become a dream… because I might get hurt if it does not happen..hahaha

The point is..... I might NEVER gonna meet someone like this EVER in my life and I will probably be living my life FOREVER ALONE! hahaha

But still... all of this because I LOVE MYSELF...

Hello AGAIN.....

It's 2020!!!

I have been neglecting my blog too much for this few years..hahaha
But I still want to keep this blog as one of my "memories"...

We are right now at the end of April, in the first quarter of the year.. But till now.. so many things have happens, not only for me but the whole world...

For me... till now, I have been in a really extreme roller-coaster-like feeling!!

If God allows me to survive until I'm old enough to tell my grand-child what happen in 2020; I would remember this moment clearly! 

Its too much but kind of exciting to be told to my grand-child later... hahaha..

I might take lots of writing in order to tell every story so far from my point of view... from what I have experienced so far and I also know no one would be interested to read this, but at least I will be the one will read this in the future..huhuhu.. 

Here some sneak peek on what I have been through as a human, as a kpopper, as a person....

     

  

Fresh Start

Annyeong hasaeyeo....

Its been so long till now I'm updating my blog...hahahaha
Seriously... I have been reading my old posts before and.....
I realized that......... I WAS TOTALLY INSANE!! IM NOT IN THE RIGHT MIND!! AND...
TOTALLY UNMATURED!!
I'm thinking about deleting them but when I'm thinking again...
It's maybe okay.. cause they might become one of my many goods and bad memories that I have been through...
Furthermore... Its shown that I'm also a normal girl like others too... Have been through the childish thing like first love and all...
hahahahahaha...
So...how am I now?
Like what the title.... I maybe look different now by judging my writing this blog and also my languages also changed right? hahaha obviously...
What I meant by the title "Fresh Start"... My new sharing will be in a more mature way "maybe"... and more to giving hope and motivation to peoples out there..
Don't know whether there might not be people reading this but at least I'm doing what I want and at least I'm trying right?
Why I'm starting using English in my writing? Because I don't want my kind of writing just limiting to Malay people only... and also, this might also improve my writing skill in English and I can interact with different kind and culture also right?
I'm so sorry with my blog writing before if any of you find its disgusting and childish... I admitted that.. hahaha... but still I will not delete them cause it's all in the past and I'M DIFFERENT now...
AJA-AJA FIGHTING!!!
TO THE MORE BENEFICIAL BLOG!!
CAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.....

Long Time No See !!!!!

Long time no see ar... (update😅)

Being a final year student make me almost forgot about my blog...hahaha

But not my Kpop world.... 😆

This year was the busiest year in my life... both with academic and Kpop...

Why Kpop?!

Because.... the return of UR Man!!! SS501!!! SS301!!!!

After their comeback with ETERNAL5 released on 16 February 2016

I was totally going crazy on them again😍😍😍

Even some of my friend told me that.. "ya..they are already old ar...why you still like them?"

And my answer is.... SS501 always be my NO 1 Kpop group for me...priority always goes to them whenever they perform in any show...hahaha... 

(Even my Infinite oppas can`t defeat them...mianhea...)

As for me ..SS501 is not just a group of kpop idol..

SS501 + SS301 + TripleS = FAMILY

They taking care for each other more like a blood related brothers.. 

(you know what I meant even you`re not one of their fans...😔)

Taking care of their fans feeling.. 

Never lose hope...trust each other... trusting their fans...

You know what...if you really a true fan of any kpop idol, you will never find any kpop group and their fandom as close as SS501 + TripleS...

On top of that... SS501 is the only Kpop group where each member has their own fandom...

Kim Hyun Joong - Henecia

Heo Young Saeng - Y.E.S

Kim Kyu Jong - ThanKyu

Park Jung Min - Kazok

Kim Hyung Jun - Junus

But all of them will united in one fandom TripleS...

Even sometimes there are some misunderstanding between their fandom but we will always stand together as TripleS... (sweet right...💘)

After ETERNAL5...they released a special album ESTRENO on 9 June 2016...

Just look at them...... kiyeowo....😍😍😍😍

ah...mianhea...before this album they already released a Japan album ETERNAL S on 20 April 2016..

 Woahh.....I think I should stop writing now...hahaha...

If I want to talk about them more deep, I think it will take a year...hahaha

ADDITIONAL...

SS301 will release a new album soon in December... CANT WAIT!!!!!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BM7xqdDDBPI/?taken-by=jdream_kyujong

Shinee - Married To The Music Eng-Roman-Hangul Sub

Totally ridiculous MV..hahaha...but still it our SHINee!!!

My real artist ;P

It has been a long times right aku xupdate blog ni..entah da pembaca ke x aku pun xthu...haha..

syok sendiri...

ape2 pun.. sekarang ni aku tetiba je nak show my sincere thankful toward my fellow classmate Keek Joe Siang who is an pro guitarist.. at least for me ar..tapi klu tengok fan dia kat youtube bleh tahan ramai gak...

(so proud of you ke`ke`..hehe...if he know about this blog,im a dead meat bak citer korea..hahaha....)

You should watch his video while he playing with his guitar..the only thing maybe he really proud of and always statisfied with it..I still wonder why he taking such a hard core course just like us in university with that amazing skill...ermm.....

Honestly, I like him in person more.. the thing that make me felt like this is because recently, he always make my heart flutter with his honest in helping me with my lab work... I don't know why..I felt comfortable learning from him than any fellow malay classmate..If there anyone of you think I should date him...it would never happens I guessed... it would be such a miracle if it happened.. 

seriously, he is such a hardworking guys...

please everyone..support and love him...